Mana pergi anak Abah?

once upon a time.

i was a very good kid- the loyal one. 

i used to love accompany my abah to go to musolla or any islamic talks. 

every day i would wait for my abah for congregational maghrib and isyak prayers. and eat dinner together.

every night i would sit in front of my abah and recite al-quran. and my dad often recorded it in a cd. 

every thursday night i would wait for my abah to come back from musolla and recite yasin together. i refused to eat until i recite yasin with abah.

every month abah would give me an islamic book written by famous philosophers and ulama' for reading. 

every day i would finish a book of kisah-kisah nabi.

every day i love to spend with abah cause abah would give advice on me.

every day i love to chat with abah cause he is being so understanding and good-nature.

every day is like in heaven cause i'm doing good things with the family. and abah is one of the kind who will guide me well.

and i know you want me to further study at middle east country.

i used to love to wear tudung labuh.

i even ask my umi to sew a purdah for me.

but things are different now.

i am no longer a good loyal kid.

i am such a stubborn young lady who loves to do things on my own eventhough without the permission from umi and abah.

i am now a big girl who seldom think of her future.

i am now a fat girl who likes to eat all things non stop and confident every food is halal.

i am now just a plain daughter who is not a doctor-to-be or ustazah-to-be.

i am just a lousy girl who don't have any ambitions. it all seems so blur.

i am just a girl who will follow the flow of anything.

i am just not yet a woman not mature and hardly make good decisions.

i am just a trouble-maker and always late for anything.

and i know both of you oh umi and abah having headaches at night thinking of me.

and and i know there are more and more.

yeah. that is it.

where is the perfect good daughter?

it all gone.

where is the nice loyal girl who loves her deen very much she couldn't imagine?

it all gone.

and most importantly where is abah's daughter?

she is here.

she is writing this.

she is hoping she can change herself back.

she is hoping she can change the histories throughout her life.

she really want to forget all bad things that ever happen to her that cause her to change.

but,

it all had happened.

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abah's daughter now is busy creating her life to make it more wonderful and sweeter.

wish her lucks in every single things she wanna do.

thanks abah for all this while. for all these ilm. for all these advice. for all these moral support. for all these tarbiyah.

i will try to be a good girl in the future.

step by step.

insyaAllah.