Abah

after a maghrib and hajat prayer, we sat together to recite yasin for imran's becoming upsr examination. and to my surprise, before abah began the yasin, he said something that touched my heart so well. he prayed to Allah and hoped that He will make ease all affairs and matters regarding our family. and i never heard that abah prayed like that before. and he even said the name of each one of us (his children) for about 3 times.

these have the explanation to the somber and gloomy atmosphere that my family had lately, regarding on too many things. that''s why abah pulled off his gut to said that, and i know it sounds bitter in his heart. he kept following the flow of everything and he is one of the toughest man i ever met in my life. 

despite kakji's tension on her english exam and push-on-working, imran's big exam, amar's faraway, and iqah's frustrated matter, i tried my best for not having any matter and problem so that abah and umi no need to kalut-kalut to think about me. 

and i was way less expressive now that before, as i am growing up and finds my own maturity to tackle with situations. all i can do is pray to Allah and hoping the best will be to this family. 

i am so sad and i feel uncomfortable for looking at abah's face expression and gesture every time problems arise. and i know that abah will always try his best to serve for the family although himself don't have the courage that much. he even ask for holiday from his work. and i hope that iqah will remember these hard times of abah and umi so that she would study hard for all of us.

abah, please be strong cause i know you will be stronger than any of us in my family. thank you so much abah, i love you! <3

Quick Events Review

a new semester is coming tomorrow. oh how i wish i can prolong this holidays. 3 months are too short and too fast.

what i had done for the past 3 months? thinking back that actually i have did many and many things and alhamdulillah my holiday is as meaningful as it should be. 

1. i worked as a kindergarten teacher in pusat asuhan tunas-tunas islam
2. i had finished my driving license and already got p license
3. my community service swied12 is a complete success
4. a month of ramadhan full of blessing
5. glorious raya celebration with beloved relatives
6. and and not forget the good examination result despite all the hurdles and hardships i faced last semester.

not that bad right? : )

6 Daisy with Cikgu Fuza

Baktisiswa Sciencess With Kedahan 2012

Raya celebration 2012

Unsaid

what you wanna do when all these years you felt that love is like hell and you believed that no one will ever love you sincerely until you die?

what you wanna do when you hated yourself for always giving up your life and everything in order to search for the perfect love to happen?

what you wanna do when suddenly you met a good guy and you used to like him and he said that he likes you too while actually you are having big tremendous fight with your loved one?

what you wanna do when all these years you are growing up as someone who believes that a good pious man is the only guy that can give you happiness in world and hereafter?

what you wanna do when you wanted soooo much to know the answer but you still can't get the answer although you already seek for many people?

what you wanna do when you realized that the good pious man is an easily-tempered guy and a kelantanese guy? (which my whole family don't like these kelantanese men)

what you wanna do when you are getting confused with yourself and you own ambitions throughout the ''thinking time''?

what you wanna do when you are asked by the man to wear purdah and jubah after you marry? and you realized how would you work with those clothes on your body? and you ever dreams of bungee jumping before.

what you wanna do when your mom actually tell you that you have to wait for the man to have career, car and house before he come membawa pinangan? which means many years. will you still contact the man throughout the years?

what you wanna do when your mom did said that quit any serious relationship at this university level, and be only friend with all guys so that you will know their true colours? but the man didn't allow it. and he even questioned why you approve some guys on facebook. and he even hated when guys keep posting on your wall. does this means that he loves you?

what you wanna do when your father told you that although the man want to marry you, he still cannot contact you privately. he can only come to your house to ask for merisik only. and he only can contact you if there is any serious deal or appointment only.

what you wanna do if the man will stop contacting you if only you get stop contact with all guys in your life? even your best male friends?

what you wanna do when you actually realized that your life would be such a mess and different from all you ever wanted before if you marry him? and even right now you can sniff the tense in you life when dealing with him?

what you wanna do when  yourself is saying NO but when you use your brain and your heart, the answer is totally mixed up?

what you wanna do when you wanna say no to him but you think of that there will no good man after this that will come to you and no one can ever bring you to jannah? oh gosh, how come you get to believe that this only man can bring you to good ending of life?

what you wanna do when you don't know why you are soooo gelojohly into him and actually you started to fall in love with him in a half conscious way?

what you wanna do when you realized that he start to control you and will get angry easily on you time after time? and he is not understanding of how busy you are and how professional you wanna be? 

and when you think back, that in university you are actually a busy woman that keep organizing thing and joining many extreme and commitment-need activities? and if you still with him, the bigger percentage would be you are not allowed to join those things?

will you leave him after those things i have had questioned you?

and you actually almost giving up this thing. and you know that the man should get a very reserved pious girl that will follow his rules and words rather than the extreme young-at-heart you that always arguing about almost many things with him. is it because you are a debater? i don't know.

and i almost reach up my points, but i don't know why i still reconsider him in my mind. 

i'd been having a not-so-serious relationship with a kelantanese man before, and i found out that is was tiring.  and actually, this later one is tiring also but it is a bit different because i didn't think too hard about this now, got many other problems at home.

please. please tell me what you wanna do when you are in my shoes. cause i wanna think about this again before it wounds up seriously in my life. 

will you leave him or just give the chance to this relation to happen?

Good morning Cikgu Fuza!

Hye! 


You can call me Cikgu Fuza now. 


I am 21 and work at Pasti Ibnu-Khaldun in Balok, 100 steps from my home.


I go to work with my sister, Cikgu Jiha at about 7.45 am and reach there at 7.55 am.


We starts with usrah among teachers at 8.00 am , while the students keep coming to the school.


The class begin at 8.30 am and i will take attendant first.


The students will have recess at 10.00 am and continue learning at 10.40 am.


The class will end at 12.00 am and i will teach Iqra' to my students.


And after that, i will sweep the floor and tidy up the class and windows.


I go back home at about 1.30 pm.


This is what i do during my holiday. Lots of things i wanna tell about this job. But it would be post by post.


And overall i just wanna say that , i really love the kids. Very much. <3


They are too cute and i am so excited to communicate with them everyday and every seconds. Teehee.

Ni anak mat saleh, tapi believe me, anak melayu pun much more cuter!

=D

GOLD

Make full use of your time, as TIME is GOLD.

so, i am thinking on things to do during this holiday.

1. watch most amazing euro games. i am an espana-gazer and a diehardfan of cristiano ronaldo. so i will end up supporting both spain and portugal teams. but watching the games alone would make me feel bad, as my brothers can't accompany me. always and always end up watching only the first half games. wuuuuu.

2. memorize some of surah in al-quran. my on target is those surah that i already forgotten. why? because i was too busy with duniawi things maybe and this habit is being flung away. al-mulk, as-sajadah, ar-rahman, yaasin, and luqman would be at the preliminary. and if i manage to memorize all that, i would move on to al-kahfi, al-waqiah, al-jumuah and abasa'. *Allah, please make this easy for me. ameen.*

3. bump onto lovely books. already bought some. aleph, the language of flowers, beautiful, aku terima nikahnya (ahaks?), and and many moreeeee. 

4. trying out new recipes. as both my sisters are at home now, when the three of us go into the kitchen it would be such a chaotic. so i will let kak ji to cook based on her menu, and iqah to learn cooking, ad i do nothing. no way guys, i am the one who always clean everything they left after cooking. i am so interested in making pastry things and i will try hard to make pavlova for a friend of mine.

5. as usual, every long holidays i would be planning for my life time trip and although some of it turns out not that well, but Hey, it's okay to dream right? =D 

6. helping out my parents in whatever things they want. paint the wall, fix the pipe, gardening. i will try to do that. 

7. planning on which concentration i would take in the future. (maslin, una, we've got to think bout this. HAHA)

what else what else what else i wanna do? deedeedeedoodoodoo~

Nothing. Seriously.

hye mr.blog. it's been a while since the last time i bumped onto you and wrote you down. just a little updates for all those that had happened.

currently i just finished my final examination 2 weeks ago. i will write about it, sooner.

and now riding on a long 3 months holiday in kuantan, not in kajang. got nothing to do at home.

and i had just deactivating my facebook account as a suffer from depression. 

i had just move ahead from my weariness about this love things.

happily reading books that are so good and so cool. much more solitude and beautiful.

met my mother's relatives and it felt so great seeing them including nanny.

need to think of baksis things and stuffs that are not settle yet.

and this euro games is very eye-catching and i can't resist to watch them. hehe.

that's all for now. 

Haish, Macam-macam Ada

Badan terasa sangat letih. Kepala  terasa sangat berat. Mata bagai nak tertutup rapat dan semakin besar eyebag dan juga lingkaran gelap bawah mata terkesan. Sesungguhnya, penat dan lelah sangat terasa kerana berpulun membanting tulang menyiapkan proposal baktisiswa bersama rakan-rakan tercinta. Alhamdulillah, dah berjaya hantar tadi. 

Perut lapar kerana terlalu banyak energy digunakan oleh saraf-saraf neuron memikirkan masalah2. Sangat sangat mahu tidur sekarang namun apakan daya dah nak maghrib. Kesunyian di bilik kerana Isza balik rumah, dan Una pergi ke mana entah, meeting kot.

Oleh sebab tak boleh nak tidur dan takut terlambat pergi ke persiapan rumah Coral, alang-alang meh nak update belog meh. Banyak sangat benda nak cakap tapi meh nak ngoyak se se.

Kali ni tajuk macam-macam ada. Apa yang macam-macam ada? Hurm, sejak masuk universiti ni baru diketahui terdapat pelbagai bentuk dan rupa peperiksaan dan ujian dan kuiz dan dan amali dan dan macam-macam lagi. Macam culture shock pun ada.

Yang exam midsem aritu, ohh seriusly nak muntah. No no silap silap. Diri ini memang tak study sangat time exam midsem ni so dapat markah pun boleh dikatakan okaylah alhamdulillah lulus. Haa macam tu. Sebab diri ini kalau study memang kena fokus habis babes labis dekat study. So, time midsem aritu memang sejujurnya banyak betul on going program yang tak cukup tangan dah ni eden nak tampung. jadi, study pun so so jelah kan kan? Haha.

Tapi yang paling nak mengomel nya ni ialah exam Basic Genetic Engineering. Apa budak bio belajar engineering ni? Tapi tapi takpa mak, kita usaha sampai boleh lah kan. Even my sister yang amek chemical engineering pun cakap yang subjek genetic engineering ni paling senang dalam engineering. =O ! Ohh yang ni exam midsem paling susah dalam hidup setakat ni sebab lecturer memang ikut format utuk final exam teruih. And and ada 1 soalan tu 15 markah. Tempat jawapan ada 5 je short blank. Hah? Nak tulis gapo ni 15 markah ni?! Soalan itu setelah dilihat rupa-rupanya kami tak belajaq pun lagi. Setelah memerah keringat hampir 45 minit nak jawab soalan tu saja, tiba2 lecturer lalu. And she said that my answer was wrong. And i was like "ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Habis masa 45 minit dah ni menjadi einstein dgn cipta formula sendiri ikut hati dan otak, haha. And then, tiba2 Madam Zarina cakap soalan tu ada pembetulan. ARGHHHHHHH!!! and then madam buat pembetulan lebih kurang 5 kali time exam tu. Habis masa dekat situ tak tawu berapa jam berapa minit. And lepas tu realise yang esei ngah kosong lagi. And then time tu dah tinggal kurang 15 minit. Exam full time is 2 hours and 30 minutes. 

Pulun dok buat esei, tapi kecewa sebab esei saya amatlah pendek. Sedih. Pastu ramai2 keluar dewan. Pastu, saya tak siap lagi soalan yang susah tu. And bila kertas pembetulan datang dekat saya, all of them ada  band2 yang berbeza tempat letaknya. Ohh sungguh saya amat kecewa. Time tu dah tak ramai yang tinggal. Akhirnya, dengan instinct yang memandai je, saya jawab. Saya orang terakhir keluar dewan. Memang macam2 ragam semua orang. Ada yang menjerit, ada yang maki2, ada yang sedih, ada yang gelak terbahak2, ada yang mendiamkan diri. Dengan lemah terus ke kelas UNGS bersama Atie, Una, Maslin dan lain2. Rasa nak pengsan je time tu. Tapi, sabaq2 jangan nak buat drama pulak.

And then, selepas 2 minggu, semasa dalam kelas, tiba2 madam cakap madam nak buat resit exam untuk soalan yang susah tu. ERKKKKKK!? dah la tak study apa pun. jadi memang redha jelah kan. tapi alhamdulillah rupa2nya pemahaman saya tu betul sekali. teori poojaenstein diterima pakai. hahaha! jadi berlakulah adegan kelam kabut semua berpikiaq jawapan yang betul. nasib baik madam bagi bincang. tapi macam pelik lah kan 1 kelas bincang ramai2 time resit exam.tapi tapi geram sebab masa time exam tu, habis masa dekat soalan tu je.hurm. hahaha. memang macam2 kan?

and then ,ni nak ngoyak pasal kuiz Protein Biotechnology which everybody pulun pulun dok baca semua slide. and everybody thought kuiz tu sejam. dah la buat dekat exam hall, memang cuak la kan derr? sejujurnya, saya sangat pulun malam itu. bersengkang mata minum nescafe 4 sachet, nak muntah. study punya study. esok pun kuiz.

masuk2 exam hall, terus cari meja kosong. ada kertas, and Dr Tengku terus suruh jawab. kami memandang kertas dan terpinga-pinga. soalan apakah ini? bentuk lebih kurang macam soalan genetic yang susah tu, tapi macam baik sikit kali ni. soalan sikit, tapi dah tak ingat sangat sebab ni topik before midsem. jadi, try la concentrate nak jawab. masa tu ramai lagi yang baru masuk exam hall, baru 5 minit. tiba2, dr cakap "10 minutes left!" HAAAHHHH??!! 10 minit?? gano nihhh??? tak sempat nak pikiaqqq. jadi jadi semua jadi kelam kabut. kuiz 15 minit je rupanya. baiklah. baiklah. jawab jelah mana2 yang mampu. tapi sebab gelabah, jadi semua yang dah study hilang begitu saja. masyaAllah, sabar jelah kan. tengah tulis, tiba2 ada orang dtg tarik kertas. baiklah. habiskan ayat yang entah tak tawu tulis pasal apa tuh. and hantar.

tett.

rasa macam nak stress bila ingat tapi takda guna jugak kalau stress kan? benda dah lepas. saja nak tulis kat sini, buat jadi kenangan. heuheu. 

emh, and minggu depan ada 2 kuiz. kuiz enzymology dan kuiz basic genetic engineering. tak dapat nak agak nanti keluar soalan macam mana tapi yang penting dr. tengku buat soalan kuiz enzyme tu. =O ! and cuak pulak bila nak jawab BGE. =/

and ni nak cakap pulak pasal experiment dalam lab. sem ni memang lecturer kami antara orang2 paling busy dekat UIA kuantan ni. So, banyak kelas ganti. Dr. Zarina, Dr. Tengku, Prof MBO, Dr. Razak dgn Dr. Ibrahim Syogar. And jugak Dr. Ibrahim principal Talhah. Dah la setiap hari macam kena marah dengan dia dekat mahalah, jumpa pulak dalam kelas setiap minggu. pengsan. and not forget 2 lecturer yang sama2 sedang pantang, Dr. Zakiah and Madam Hasniza. Happy dapat babies ! =D

ni haa, lab pulak selalu lah macam2. mula2 awal sem ni memang semua lab nak habis malam kan. kami duduk dalam lab tunggu turn and tunggu benda tu process nak dekat 6 jam. pukul 2 sampai 8 malam. and and kadang2 selalu tak dapat result pun. tak, memang selalu sangat tak dapat result. so, lab kali tu cancel and then tak tawu nak tulis apa dalam discussion report. protein pun macam tu, enzyme pun macam tu, genetic engineering tu lagi la macam tu. tunggu 2 jam lebih nak biar gel mengeras, tapi tak keras2. rupa2nya salah dekat solution yang lab assistant prepare. okay. baiklah. tak marah. tapi rasa apaaaaa ni????? haa macam tu.

ni tak cakap lagi pasal assignment yang menggunung. mungkin muka kami baik sgt so lecturer pun suka bg kerja banyak. selalu macam bagi assignment arini, esok kena hantar. pastu, ade dalam bulan march and april, dalam masa seminggu seriusly nak pengsan nak muntah nak tergeliat pun tak sempat. bayangkan dlm 1 minggu, ada 2 exam, 3 kuiz, 3 assignment nak kena hantar, and 3 lab report nak kena hantar. masyaAllah. memang Allah uji budak2 kelas saya nih. and condition ini berlarutan for about 3 minggu yer kawan2. subhanAllah, ujian Tuhan kan kan? And and dah la time tu malam saya dipenuhi dengan meeting, and weekend saya penuh dengan akitiviti. And bila saya dapat 1 malam free, saya rasa gembira sangat and terharu sangat sampai rasa nak nangis. *ni seriusly taw, memang rasa nak nangis* and masa itu saya dipenuhi dgn ujian2 lain, masyaAllah. hero tak saya? kih3.

Dan akibat daripada ketegangan yang dihadapi oleh budak2 biotech masa itu, kami menjadi sangat kuat and tough and resistant and cekal and tabah. presentation? NO HAL. assignment baru bagi tadi and nak esok? NO HAL. resit exam mengejut? NO HAL. lab report yang 5 minggu punya experiment ada pembetulan kiraan dari awal? NO HAL. kuiz nak bagi banyak dalam 1 minggu? NO HAL. tapi nak pengsan jugaklah. katangnyaaaaaa! hahahahah! gila =.=''

haa kan kan kan macam macam kan? nasib baik tak amek medic, kalau tak mesti takda life kan? takleh lah buat family day, takleh nak join baktisiswa dengan paan. kan kan? (bangga tak paan?) and alhamdulillah ini semua takdir. life yang busy ini memang untuk membina ketahanan mental dan fizikal dan emosi dan spiritual. terima kasih untuk hidup ini ya Allah. Kau banyak mengajar. walaupun semakin lama saya menjadi semakin serius, and sgt susah nak senyum, tapi apakan daya tak mampu nak gembira2 macam dulu.

Okay dah penat mengomel dan mengomen. sekian.