Girls Talk # Part 1

tiba-tiba rasa macam malas nak further this relationship. why why why ohh? am i being too emotional? am i being too tired sebab baru je balik from rompin surveying places for baktisiswa? oh and thank you to khairani, syuaidah, paan and not forget our driver chot for your willingness to go to rompin and went back on the same day. hehe penat tapi berbaloi-baloi gak lah kan? 

well, setelah berfikir agak panjang. i'm thinking on how tired am i to get involve in this relationship. bukannya nak jadi cerewet or banyak songeh, it is just i am trying hard to make this relationship glow, but why he do nothing to impress me? honestly i am not being overwhelmed with his love. and i'm not that excited for this relationship. memang dah lama he ngorat2 me but i didn't take action pun. pastu bila sekarang dah suka sikit, dia pulak buat macam endah tak endah. tak fahamnyaaa. 

this is the honest honest one. did he know that i boleh pergi kat orang lain sesuka hati i je? tapi kenapa dia tak risau langsung? dia tak risau i lari pergi kat sapa2 ke? bukannya nak bajet hot tapi i think he should worry about me. and i think he should be grateful as i chosed him instead of other guys. tapi kenapa dia macam tak endah je dekat empunya diri ini?

am i too easy to get? bila ingat-ingat balik, memang betul kot sebab bestfriend dia yang play hard for him to get me. that's why lah kot dia tak appreciate i kan? pelik, tapi memang laki semua sama ke eh? masa mula2 nak ngorat dulu bukan main lagi semangatnya, tapi bila macam dah dapat terus macam take it for granted. or am i being too cerewet? sebab selama ni as i can see other guys played hard even when they realized they would never get me. tapi ada jugakla yang take it for granted kan, some of them. hurm. tapi bila fikir2 balik selalu jugak i did bad to boys, so at last mesti terkena balik. haha. takpe2 itu kisah lama mesti ada hikmah Allah nak tunjuk kan? pengajaran kan kan? 

or am i too manja and mengada-ngada? sebab rasa macam diri ni budak2 lagi ke eh orang nak kena pay attention dekat kita? tapi memang betulla kan kalau in a relationship, attention tu yang nak kena bagi kan? am i an attention seeker? tapi orang memang nak seek attention dengan orang yang kita suka je kan? salah ke? hurmm. think deep think hard. tak cukup kasih sayang agaknya aku ni, haha.

kenapa dia tak buat something yang boleh make my heart melt? haa macam geli je kan dengar? tapi it is like this, kenapa dia tak buat something yang boleh buat aku jatuh cinta? ni honestly aku tak jatuh cinta lagi pun dengan dia. maybe suka tu ada tapi hey dude, you are wrong if you think that you've got me. and you are wrong if you think what you do all this while is enough to get me. that's why lah i'm saying that i can go to any people i like and to ignore someone you are not deeply in love with yet is so easy. 

as i realized, i had done many things, many sweet2 things in this relationship. tapi still macam biasa je he treated them all. letihlah. rasa macam nak stop. and kalau betul2 dia nak, biar dia jumpa parents dulu kan? habis cerita, kan senang.

and rasanya, dah banyak kali sangat2 terasa dengan dia. yeah, i admit i yang selalu buat dia marah but marah tu mestilah ada sebab kan? and i realized in this relationship i am the fire and you are the water. tapi awak anak last, and awak sangat kuat study and saya rasa awak memang tak kisah dengan saya sangat pun kan? awak just go with the flow and awak tak fikir pun benda2 yang other than this flow. sorrylah kalau macam mengada2 tapi saya tak suka nak to get serious with someone yang saya pun tak pasti dia serious dengan saya ke tak. cause saya someone yang serius when it comes to relationship like this. nampak saya macam main2 suka huhahuha gelak2 poya2 kan? tapi i am getting serious right now and i am getting more and more serious when it comes to this future matter. 

i am 21 already, and my mum always ask me to marry, and my dad keep telling me that he is so worry about me, and my grandma really really wanna know who is my boyfriend and she even invited my-nobody actually-boyfriend to dine at her home and and my jiha moist2 (my eldest sister) asked me to get married early and my friends keep telling me to be serious with only a guy and they keep saying that i need to marry so that nobody can disturb me. and my cousins and relatives keep stalking my facebook wall and those guys that ran after me before slowly moved away from my life and that is a big relief as i can see the reasons why the chased over me after all. and i also getting worried with my messy life and that is why i decided to open my heart on you but you see now that i'm not satisfied. 

and after those questions came up on my mind, do you think you are pretty enough to fit this condition? i am a complicated one with a complicated mind and complicated actions cause i am not just an ordinary girl you can found nearby. and please tell me if i do mistakes. but right now what i can do is just waiting and waiting for you to cherish my days or else i will just leave you. sounds easy right? but that is the truth. cause i'm believing this quote of  "the one who worth to be with is the one who worth waiting for".

and you know that this relationship is actually not halal in islam and i don't want to waste my time and my kudrat playing with this not-so-serious relationship and if you want me please think of marrying me by meeting with my parents and showing that to me. don't you just think of i am someone fun to be with as a girlfriend only? please think about it.

that's all i wanna say. i'm writing this as actually i wanna tell my conditions to some of my dear friends that we are too busy with our life and if we contact each other it would be hours and hours and i am about letting you know that everyday i remember all of you and i love you and i miss you even though i'm not reaching you all.

assalamualaikum.