2011 Left More Wisdom Than Memories

i am now staring at the laptop for doing my assignments (lots of it!) but i don't even get the mood and i have no ideas at all and i am so bored looking at those facebook's stuffs.


and then after prayer, i remembered on how my life would ever be if Allah didn't put any hardships and obstacles  on my way.


i feel like a very different person now in 2012 regarding on how fragile i was in late 2011.


these somehow put me in tears but crying doesn't mean we are weak right? lots of thing happened in 2011 but i don't have the guts to write about it before this.


what happened in 2011?


january 
i was fully recovered from a major broke up that i had been longing for a guy for about 4 years. we weren't having special relationship either but we were in love since 16 years old. the guy who broke my heart always hurting me and i was getting stronger, but still i told everyone that i was with this guy. a sudden thing happened when he was finally in a relationship with a good friend of mine in late 2010. this was one of the most critical pang ever for me and i was very heartbroken and disappointed with everything. then, a new guy came up to me. and we became friends. and after a while, we began to like each other but i was in fear to fall in love again. however, girls hearts are like jelly. although it is elastic and spongy, it can be tear apart. so in january 2011, i was fall in love again. 


my family and i moved from kajang into our old permanent house in kuantan. alhamdulillah. grateful to Allah.
although my parents needed to wake up early to go pekan for working, it wasn't a big deal because being at home away form kuala lumpur with jams and all those things are my parents first priority.


i entered IIUM kuantan with girlfriends and a BIG hope. to be an excellent one. but somehow, my batch asked me to hold the post of assistant batch leader which never came up into my mind before. i was just accepting it with confounded self. somehow, i had many friends to support me form behind.


february
struggling with ownself. to study harder and harder. living alone in a postgraduate room is a bit creepy for the first time and so exciting after that. you got your own space and no one can bother you. i was so lucky for having maslin at the room next door. 


and my new love began to bloom but we were in the complicated state. not having any yet. still reminiscing how we could be like this. we were good to each other. and i was good for the time being.


march
life became harder. my crush and i often came up to a big war and it hurted too much. we were like giving up on each other but we still holding on it no matter what. things became normal back after my birthday. just imagine how our relationship when we never met each other after we are liking each other. and we had trust on each other.


midsem exam was coming up and me, iman, una and also maslin so busy catching up on all those subjects. the result was pretty good and alhamdulillah.


april
it was like he was already bored with me for not seeing each other and i knew i didn't made any effort to meet him. and he got new friends. and i was so damn busy with those batch's things and programs and he hated me for not spending time on him. and he also hated me every time he viewed my facebook profile as there always be boys posting and sharing something on my wall. and he kept babbling on me about guys who bumped and fallen on me before before and before ahead. i had no idea how he got the information but all of those were true. 


and a scandal involving me and a guy suddenly came up in my class and i was so deep deep anger with them but still within my patience. it was frustrated when you are being match up with a guy but actually you are in love with others right?


may
i was being overwhelmed with those defamations and slanders and made-up stories and it made me down during my final examinations week. but i played my part well for studying hard but not that hard and trying to be positive on any circumstances. and one of the most heartbroken one was when my crush started to ignore me. and he loves to ejek2 me and perli2 me you know. ohh i hate him so much now when i remember this. huh!


see, i was very nothing last year. all i did was making a small problem became unsettled one. but i was very grateful for having nice good friends always and always.


june
a 5 months holidays started. i planned on working but my parents didn't allow me. so i just lived at home and being a good girl. i learned how to cook and trying hard on new recipes. but suddenly, a big thing came up between me and him. and i was officially declared myself as heartbroken. this was not an easy thing to forget as i got nothing to do at home. admit it, when we are not busy, we tend to think of something more and more often right? i was a late night crier (penangis?) and my days were very pale. i'd got no friends to be talked to as some of them were busy working. but there were some people would listen to me and give advice on me. although he always trying to catch me back but somehow i kept reminding myself that this thing will never work out as we were so far away. june was devastating and i was trying hard to pull myself again.


july
it was his birthday and i don't know either i should wish or not. but i did. that was the horrible celebrations i ever did i think. HAHAHA. and i became more powerful in handling kitchen and it's utensils. long days waiting at home made my adipose tissue became alive and grew fast. really need to think on how losing it.
nothing more happened or it was me who forgot all things that happened. erkk.


august
i was taking my driving license and until now my parents didn't allow me to take the jpj test. and i don't know why. liar, i know why. ramadhan was coming and i was very grateful as after 7 years living in hostel, this was the first ramadhan i celebrated with my family at home. and i was so glad because we never bought any foods and cuisines from bazaar ramadhan. wow, that was fantastic enough as i also learned on making kuih-muih in kampung style such as pengat, begedil, ondeh2 buah melaka, ketayap, kuih kacang and many more.


september
holiday was finished and coming back to uia for starting 2nd semester. nothing much happened in the very first2 weeks but i just wanna tell you that i had gave up some money for something. masyaAllah. well, having a new roomates consisting iman, una and isza. we dined together and going out together. 


october
1st october: iman left me in iium alone. not all alone,but still i felt alone at the moment. my life was horrible and  murky no one could ever imagine. maybe i was depending on her too much since we were in secondary school. i have nothing in mind at that time and i almost forgot the heartbroken thing due to this matter. 


i was bumped on someone and i don't even know why i liked him a lot. he was nice and i really wanna changed myself when thinking of him. it was like i want him for the rest of my life? err err geli geli. haha. daydream.


and i went to kenyir exploration with arc members. and i forced rahimi to accompany me. and there was lots of thing happened in kenyir. and there was this young man who keep joking and disturbing me and i really don't know why and i was thinking what should i do with this man and if i go against him, i know that all those seniors would end up hating me. and i don't know what mistake i have done to them when some seniors glanced on me and i was like whooaaa please stop these all !


november
midsemester exams were coming and i was bluntly sit for those exams and alhamdulillah i managed to get good result although my life was wracked. 


and a guy wanna know me and he was my male friend's bestfriend and i was just okay just get to know each other then. and my new crush didn't came up for a long time and i don't know why. and just so you know that i was still battling myself to focus and be firm in this life.


disember
and it was horrible terrible when we had problems with our friends. it really tore me up but i was being patience and isolating myself from the public. problems kept coming and the older problems got forgotten. whatever. 




my life was a crack a year before, and i an hopping that this year would bring me prosperity and current obsession towards my course. this year i get myself busy so that i don't have the time to think any stupid nonsense memories ever happened to me. hehe.