what you wanna do when you hated yourself for always giving up your life and everything in order to search for the perfect love to happen?
what you wanna do when suddenly you met a good guy and you used to like him and he said that he likes you too while actually you are having big tremendous fight with your loved one?
what you wanna do when all these years you are growing up as someone who believes that a good pious man is the only guy that can give you happiness in world and hereafter?
what you wanna do when you wanted soooo much to know the answer but you still can't get the answer although you already seek for many people?
what you wanna do when you realized that the good pious man is an easily-tempered guy and a kelantanese guy? (which my whole family don't like these kelantanese men)
what you wanna do when you are getting confused with yourself and you own ambitions throughout the ''thinking time''?
what you wanna do when you are asked by the man to wear purdah and jubah after you marry? and you realized how would you work with those clothes on your body? and you ever dreams of bungee jumping before.
what you wanna do when your mom actually tell you that you have to wait for the man to have career, car and house before he come membawa pinangan? which means many years. will you still contact the man throughout the years?
what you wanna do when your mom did said that quit any serious relationship at this university level, and be only friend with all guys so that you will know their true colours? but the man didn't allow it. and he even questioned why you approve some guys on facebook. and he even hated when guys keep posting on your wall. does this means that he loves you?
what you wanna do when your father told you that although the man want to marry you, he still cannot contact you privately. he can only come to your house to ask for merisik only. and he only can contact you if there is any serious deal or appointment only.
what you wanna do if the man will stop contacting you if only you get stop contact with all guys in your life? even your best male friends?
what you wanna do when you actually realized that your life would be such a mess and different from all you ever wanted before if you marry him? and even right now you can sniff the tense in you life when dealing with him?
what you wanna do when yourself is saying NO but when you use your brain and your heart, the answer is totally mixed up?
what you wanna do when you wanna say no to him but you think of that there will no good man after this that will come to you and no one can ever bring you to jannah? oh gosh, how come you get to believe that this only man can bring you to good ending of life?
what you wanna do when you don't know why you are soooo gelojohly into him and actually you started to fall in love with him in a half conscious way?
what you wanna do when you realized that he start to control you and will get angry easily on you time after time? and he is not understanding of how busy you are and how professional you wanna be?
and when you think back, that in university you are actually a busy woman that keep organizing thing and joining many extreme and commitment-need activities? and if you still with him, the bigger percentage would be you are not allowed to join those things?
will you leave him after those things i have had questioned you?
and you actually almost giving up this thing. and you know that the man should get a very reserved pious girl that will follow his rules and words rather than the extreme young-at-heart you that always arguing about almost many things with him. is it because you are a debater? i don't know.
and i almost reach up my points, but i don't know why i still reconsider him in my mind.
i'd been having a not-so-serious relationship with a kelantanese man before, and i found out that is was tiring. and actually, this later one is tiring also but it is a bit different because i didn't think too hard about this now, got many other problems at home.
please. please tell me what you wanna do when you are in my shoes. cause i wanna think about this again before it wounds up seriously in my life.
will you leave him or just give the chance to this relation to happen?
